Monday, March 7, 2011

Wake Up Call

Tonight I spent two hours with Gable that I was not planning on. I came to his apartment to get my dishes but some of them were dirty so I had to wait for the dish washer. I haven't spent more than an hour with him since I moved out and that was always when I was running around packing. I had nothing really to do but sit and wait for the dishes. Of course we did some talking but I wasn't prepared for how uncomfortable I am around him and how many emotions are there under the surface. I really am doing well but tonight talking to Gable I was emotional and crying, something that hasn't happened since I first packed to move. Here I was tonight boiling with every emotion and only able to express myself through crying.

It was such a bitter/sweet night because we did some of the best communication of our whole marriage. We explained some of the things we were feeling and how some of our problems came to be, and some that at least for me I had no idea that he was struggling with. The most frustrating part was if we had been able and willing to communicate as these misunderstandings, hurt feelings, problems came up we probably wouldn't be on the verge of divorce. It was really hard to hear the other side of the story and see how my naivety created/compounded some personal problems that Gable had always struggled with but that I didn't know about till tonight.At the very least I have more empathy for him and hope that the mistakes I have made in this marriage I will be able to not only learn from but correct in my future marriage.

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