Fallen in love...

I have fallen in love... with a wedding idea. A blog I love to read did a post on Mormon weddings and how they aren't so exciting, but this couple Derek and Rebecca had the most fantastic wedding I have ever heard of. It makes me wish I was their best friend and was there! But on second thought maybe I can steal the idea for myself (devilish laughter). Be sure to follow the link to check out the slide show of them on MarthaStewart.com, yes it truly was that awesome that it made it on Martha Stewart.

The List

I am really excited for this book, and I have been holding out to see if I win. But win or not I am going to own that book and read it. So you probably want to know what the heck I am talking about. Well if you go here http://melaniejacobson.net/ you can read the first chapter and fall in love with it like me. I also recommend you check out Melanie's blog here as it is one of my FAVORITES, you'll see why if you stop by. Also she is giving away her book and some other really cool things so go there at least once to check that out! Go here for a chance to win The List

What if...

I have been really excited to become single again. I have become a bit thought obsessed with dating actually. And since I am still technical married I haven't really been thinking about the realities of dating again. Write Stuff a blog I love reading had this line in today's post 'Guys in the late-20's range were either total players or divorced and battle-scarred.' That got me thinking/worried what if I become that person! Either player or battle-scarred. I hadn't thought through that possibility, or the possibility that I would be single for a few years to come. I just imagined Mr. Right would manifest in like three to six months and in a little over a year I would be married again (second time around I want to be married in June). What if I doesn't happen? What if my plan comes to naught (love this word). 

The one line from a blog post, well really the entire post, has got me reevaluating a lot of my life goals and wondering if my academic/career goals are really what I want. What am I going to do with my life?! The possibilities are endless and I feel 18 again, super excited for every option but not really willing to nail one down. I am all over the place with pretty much everything in my life but for now I have a few concrete things, a divorce, that need to happen before I can really start exploring.

Wake Up Call

Tonight I spent two hours with Gable that I was not planning on. I came to his apartment to get my dishes but some of them were dirty so I had to wait for the dish washer. I haven't spent more than an hour with him since I moved out and that was always when I was running around packing. I had nothing really to do but sit and wait for the dishes. Of course we did some talking but I wasn't prepared for how uncomfortable I am around him and how many emotions are there under the surface. I really am doing well but tonight talking to Gable I was emotional and crying, something that hasn't happened since I first packed to move. Here I was tonight boiling with every emotion and only able to express myself through crying.

It was such a bitter/sweet night because we did some of the best communication of our whole marriage. We explained some of the things we were feeling and how some of our problems came to be, and some that at least for me I had no idea that he was struggling with. The most frustrating part was if we had been able and willing to communicate as these misunderstandings, hurt feelings, problems came up we probably wouldn't be on the verge of divorce. It was really hard to hear the other side of the story and see how my naivety created/compounded some personal problems that Gable had always struggled with but that I didn't know about till tonight.At the very least I have more empathy for him and hope that the mistakes I have made in this marriage I will be able to not only learn from but correct in my future marriage.

Causing Shock Waves

Everyone I talk to either in person or via phone seemed to be shocked at my state of mind. I know that I just barely physically separated from Gable a few weeks ago but we have had a emotional separation for about a year so I have been able to work through my emotions/plans/thoughts for the past year. So yes I am doing well, in fact I am doing great. I am feeling more like myself than I have in years and I am just relieved to finally have a decision made and that I can move forward. For now I am just hoping to have the divorce all done by April 1st so that I can start dating and moving forward with my goals and ambitions! Thanks for all the prayers, support, and love.

Stay tuned for pictures of my new place! (I need to do some more organizing and cleaning)