Well its interesting that Sunday is the hardest day for me emotionally. I am fine all week, literally no break downs or anything just lots of optimism for the future. But with Sunday comes the emotions. I really think it has a lot to do with the fact that I cut out so much media. I am constantly watching something or either while doing something else, or just sitting on the couch. But as its Sunday I try to be better about if I watch anything and if so what, and this leads to more thinking and contemplation. Besides all that it is hard to be in a congregation with happy couples and chubby little toddlers running around. Its all well and good for me to look forward to being single again and hoping to travel internationally before getting remarried but the truth is what most of my fellow sisters in my ward have is all that I have wanted since I got married, and its hard to not have that with some many that do.
I feel the lack in my marriage, the lack in myself, my short comings and selfish ways really come to the fore front in sacrament when I turn internal and listen to what the spirit has to say to me. Luckily I have so many friends that truly help strengthen me and welcome me in that makes church a place that I can be despite what I am feeling.