Thursday, October 20, 2011

I can do hard things...

Today has been hard. Not exactly sure why but I stumbled upon Hilary Weeks blog (I have no idea how I have missed this before I truly love her!) And I am 'catching up' on her posts. I love her voice in her writing and the honesty. Anyways I am specifically reading the thoughts posts and the step posts about her new album and almost every post is making me tear up. I'm trying to let things go and rely on the promises the Lord has made me time and time again but it is hard. It's so hard not to have control, its so hard to have the things I desire most not be something I can control. Hilary was talking about her daughter and how she will spend eternity getting to know her as an adult but in that moment she had this thought that she only had that night and the next few years to get to know her as a child and I ached. That is truly all I have ever wanted. I have many aspirations and goals but they all pale in comparison to me wanting to be a wife and mother. I thought I had it all figured out, my life was laid out and agency came into play and I find myself divorce and alone. I know every stage has its hard things we must do but this seems harder than I remember. All my friends are in the stages I want and wish about being in and I am having a hard time enjoying this journey for the things I will learn and how I will change. So for now I am just trying to remind myself that I can do hard things and that this to shall pass because the Lord promised me it would.

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